Avoiding Self-harm (WIP)
TW: mentions of different reasons for self-harm, mentions of suicide
If you're looking for ways to help yourself right now, skip to Distractions, Simulation Alternatives, or Self-harm Replacements. You can find more resources on avoiding self-harm here or at the bottom of this page. If you have suggestions or feedback, please contact me via my Tumblr blog or my Neocities profile.
The best way to reduce the harm from self-harm is to avoiding hurting yourself in the first place. For some people this could mean having a goal to reduce how often they hurt themself or their goal might be to quit entirely. If reducing how often you self-harm isn't a goal right now that is ok as well, but it might still be helpful to have ideas of things you could do instead of harming for the future or if you're ever in a situation where you cannot self-harm. It is also very common to be unsure of whether you want to or are able to stop or reduce harming yourself, if this is true for you it might be helpful to look at the section on reasons you might want to reduce self-harm or try using alternatives to hurting yourself anyways and seeing how it goes. Remember you are not a bad person if you do hurt yourself or do not want or aren't able to stop self-harming.
Below is advice on finding ways to help yourself avoid self-harm. Different people find different things helpful and even the same person will find some things help them at some times but not others. Because of this it can be helpful to try a number of different strategies for avoiding self-harm and having different ideas of things to try ready. It is completely normal and okay if something that helps other people doesn't help you, self-harm is a very individual thing and it can take time to find helpful strategies. It might be helpful to read this guide in order, but you can skip around to the sections you think will be most helpful.
There is no information on therapy or medications in this guide, but some people do find therapy and medication helpful. If you're interested in either of these options reach out to a medical or mental health professional.
Reasons to Reduce Self-harm
If you're reading this guide, chances are you want to reduce how often you hurt yourself or stop harming altogether. You likely already have reasons as to why you want to do this, even if you don't yet fully understand what those reasons are. You might also be undecided on whether or not reducing or stopping self-harming is the right decision for you. Thinking about reasons you might want to reduce your self-harm can help you decide to do so (or not) and it can help you stay motivated to reduce how often you harm yourself. Below are some ideas to help you come up with and understand your own reasons for not hurting yourself.
Why Is Self-harm "Bad"?; Negatives and Risks of Hurting Yourself
While self-harm is not morally wrong and is more complicated than only being harmful or bad, it does still have negative aspects even when it can also be helpful. These negative aspects are what often motivates people to reduce their self-harming or quit. Hurting yourself can have negative affects on your health, including long-term or permanent ones, as well as often not addressing what causes you to hurt yourself in the first place. Sometimes it can even cause more distress. Hurting yourself can also be disruptive to your life in other, smaller ways which add up over time into a larger issue.
Time:
Self-harm can become time consuming, especially as the severity of it progresses. Time spent on injury care, clean up, the act of hurting yourself, and more all add. Sometimes this can make it harder for you to spend time doing things you enjoy (like hobbies) or things you need to do (like self-care, work, or school).
Risks of nerve damage:
- Paralysis
- Chronic pain
- Numbness
- Chronic itch
- Weakness
- tremors/shaking
Nerve damage can be caused by cutting, burning, hitting, and other forms of self-harm.
These affects can be treated, but can also be chronic or permanent.
Progression of severity:
Many people find that the longer they have been hurting themself the stronger urges become, the more frequent they become, and their injuries from hurting themself also become more severe.
This can become a difficult to control cycle or addiction for many and can have significant impacts on your health and other aspects of life; more severe injuries mean more expsensive first-aid supplies, possible A&E trips or hospitalisation, more time spent on self-harm, etc.
Risks of self-poisoning/overdose:
- Liver, heart, brain, or other organ damage
- Death
- Cognitive issues
- Vision or hearing loss
The affects of self-poisoning can be very varied and very difficult to predict. The damage caused by an overdose isn't always immediately obvious and may start to effect you later on or after another overdose.
These affects can be treated, but can also be chronic or permanent.
Risks of infection, sepsis, and Post Sepsis Syndrome:
- Limb loss
- Hearing, vision, or other sensory loss
- PTSD
- Organ damage
- Death
- Increased risk of repeat infection or sepsis
- Cognitive issues
Sepsis is caused by an infection. Any wound that breaks skin (such as scratches, burns, or cuts) can become infected, regardless of size or depth.
These affects can be treated, but can also be chronic or permanent.
Emotional effects:
Self-harm can be inherently traumatising, it can change your relationship with your body a lot. Hurting yourself and seeing your self-harm injuries can be very scary or distressing. This can be especially true when something goes wrong and you hurt yourself more then intended.
Risks of scarring, not just aesthetics:
- Difficulty moving
- Numbness
- Pain
- Temperature disregulation
- Skin dryness
- Keloids; keloids are scars that continue to grow larger then the original injury
- Permanent reminder of self-harm/what caused it
Wound that break skin (such as scratches, burns, or cuts) can leave scars.
These affects can be treated, but can also be chronic or permanent.
Short-term solution:
People usually hurt themselves because it helps them in some way, but often self-harm isn't a very effective or long-term solution to the problem. This can mean that in the long-term the underlying issue will remain or can even get worse.
Self-harm sometimes stops helping someone and can often also become a new problem in of itself.
Accidentally more severe injuries:
Even if you are careful, mistakes do happen, and when it comes to self-harm these mistakes can be difficult to predict or prevent and can have severe, long-term, permanent, or life ending affects.
You may also regret choices you make about hurting yourself later on even if it is helpful in the moment.
Risks of tendon/ligament damage:
- Paralysis
- Pain
- Weakness
Tendon and ligament damage can be caused by cutting, burning, hitting, and other forms of self-harm.
These affects can be treated, but can also be chronic or permanent.
Pain and discomfort:
The pain, discomfort, or itchiness caused by healing self-harm or permanent damage from hurting yourself can make it difficult to sleep, participate in activities you enjoy, shower, or do other parts of daily living. This pain or discomfort can also make you feel worse in the long run.
Hurting yourself can cause chronic (long-term or permanent) pain.
Risks of blood loss:
- Death
- Brain and organ damage
- Cognitive issues
- Anaemia
- Coma
Blood loss can be caused by cutting, burning, hitting (internal bleeding), and other forms of self-harm.
These affects can be treated, but can also be chronic or permanent.
Risks of self-strangulation/choking/hanging:
- Brain damage
- Tracheal/wind pipe damage
- Death
- Stroke
- Cognitive issues
The affects of self-strangulation can be very varied and difficult to predict. The damage caused by self-strangulation is often impossible to see to judge the severity of, making it very difficult and possibly dangerous to treat without medical attention.
These affects can be treated, but can also be chronic or permanent.
Social effects:
Hurting yourself can also cause you social issues and be isolating. It isn't right, but people are not always understanding of self-harm. It can lead to difficult interactions if discovered and can be stressful to hide. People who care about you may also be upset by you hurting yourself.
If you know other people who hurt themselves or are in self-harm focused communities, self-harm might become competative for you or those around you.
Risks of head hitting/banging:
- Brain damage
- Death
- Post-Concussion Syndrome
- Mobility issues
- Skull fracture
- Cognitive issues
- Brain bleed
The affects of head hitting can be very varied and difficult to predict. The damage caused by head hitting is often impossible to see to judge the severity of, making it very difficult and possibly dangerous to treat without medical attention.
These affects can be treated, but can also be chronic or permanent.
Other People's Reasons
Reading or listening to other people's reasons for avoiding self-harm can help you feel less alone and think of reasons not self-harm for yourself; you can find many lists online by looking up "reasons to not self-harm". It might also be helpful to talk to people who support you or other people who are looking to reduce their own self-harm about reasons to not self-harm.
Example reasons:
- Not getting blood on things
- Not having to deal with wound care, used bandages, etc.
- Animals always noticing and sniffing wounds through clothes
- Getting out of long sleeve/trousers jail
- Walking/using my arms with less pain
- Not having scares about infection, blood loss, nerve damage, scars affecting mobility, etc.
- It's easier to manage pre-existing health issues without self-harming
- Swimming and other sports/physical activity
- Showers are easier
- The exhaustion after harming
- Less self harming means slower progression of the severity of my sh (no sh means no progression)
- More free time
- Finding things to enjoy instead of just harming
- Not having to weigh the pros and cons of getting medical attention
- Breaking the connections between certain things and self harm (ie. specific music, places, items)
- Being able to safely take baths
- Helping other people who self-harm
- Understanding my self-harm more
- Being wound free again
Pros/Cons List
This exercise is usually best done when you do not feel like self-harming.
On a piece of paper or your phone create four lists titled "pros of hurting yourself", "cons of hurting yourself", "pros of not hurting yourself", and "cons of not hurting yourself". For each list try and come up with as many pros/cons as possible, think back to times before when you've self-harmed. How did it help? How did it make the situation worse? Have you ever regretted harming yourself? What about times you have successfully avoided self-harming?
It's okay if you find it difficult to find reasons for any of the lists, you can always come back to this another time. In some situations, the pros of self-harm do outweigh the cons and that is ok. It just means you might still need to use self-harm sometimes until you can deal with the issues that cause you to self-harm in safer ways.
Example pros/cons list
Self-harming |
Not Self-harming |
|
|---|---|---|
Pros: |
|
|
Cons: |
|
|
Keep Reminders for Yourself
Because self-harm can be helpful and self-harm urges can be very overwhelming, it can be even more difficult to remember why you want to reduce self-harming or quit in the moment. Keeping reminders of your reasons to not self-harm on you or with your self-harm tools can help remind you when you’re struggling. Below are some ideas of things to remind you of your reasons in these moments.
- Photos of things you enjoy
- Items that remind you of positive memories
- The pros/cons list from above
- supportive letters from yourself or loved ones, these letters could include:
- Things you've regretted about self-harming
- Positive things that have happened or you felt because you didn't hurt yourself
- Things you are looking forward to
- Things that could help you feel better or help you avoid self-harming
- An app such as or similar to I Am Sober to track reasons for not self-harming
Why You Self-harm
One of the reasons self-harm can be so difficult to avoid is that people rarely self-harm for no reason and it usually serves a very important function in a person’s life. Reasons for and functions of self-harm are similar, related concepts but they are slightly different. The reason you self-harm is what triggers urges (for example, stress), the function is how self-harm helps with those urges (for example, making you feel calm). Understanding the reason(s) you self-harm can help you find the function(s) self-harm serves for you, which can help you come up with non-harmful things that would serve that same or similar function. Knowing your reasons for self-harming can also help you make changes to your life so that you don't experience self-harm urges as often.
The reasons people self-harm are extremely diverse and complicated and many people will have multiple different reasons for self-harming at different times. It can take time to understand the reasons for and functions of your self-harm and it's ok if you don't understand it yet or never do. All reasons for self-harm are real, valid, and important, even if they don’t make logical sense or aren’t common.
Example Reasons & Functions
Reason: |
Function: |
|---|---|
|
Needing support |
communicating distress; expressing distress |
|
Habit, boredom |
Familiar routine; comfort |
|
Guilt, shame, self-critical |
Self-punishment or cleansing; comforting |
|
Overwhelming thoughts/feelings/experiences (anger, depression, suicidal ideation, intrusive thoughts, hearing voices, mania, etc.) |
Distraction; cause or end dissociation; comforting; self-care; sensation or positive feelings (endorphin/adrenaline rush) |
|
Feeling out of control |
Control over body/appearance; change how others perceive you |
|
Feeling invalid |
Expressing distress; connecting/fitting in with a group |
Self-harm Journaling & Tracking
Asking yourself questions about your self-harm and tracking when you harm yourself or have self-harm urges can help you identify what prompts you to hurt yourself and what function your self-harm serves. You could do this in a notebook, on your phone, you could use an online tool (like this one), or a mood tracking app (like this one).
Some people find that tracking how long they have been self-harm free can make their urges worse, others find it a good source of motivation. It is up to you whether you choose to track days self-harm free or not, but either way how often you do or do not hurt yourself does not change anything about you as a person.
It's ok if you don't know the answer to some or even any of these questions, it can take time to figure things out and even if you never do that's okay as well.
Here are some example questions to ask yourself about self-harm:
- Why did you first start self-harming?
- In what way(s) does self-harm help you?
- What things or situations cause self-harm urges? Are urges sudden or do they build over time?
- Do you notice any other patterns to your self-harm?
- Before you hurt yourself, how do you feel? What are you thinking? Do you act differently?
- After you hurt yourself, how do you feel? What are you thinking? Do you act differently?
Here are some examples of questions to ask yourself when tracking self-harm/urges:
- What were you doing that day?
- What happened before you had self-harm urges/self-harmed? Did something specific cause the urges? Was the urge sudden or did it build over time?
- How did you feel, what were you thinking, and how were you behaving before you hurt yourself/had urges?
- What did you try other than self-harm, if anything?
- How did you hurt yourself, if you did?
- How did you feel, what were you thinking, and how were you behaving after you hurt yourself or the urge passed?
Delaying
For some people self-harm can be very impulsive and sudden decision, so slowing it down and delaying can be all it takes for an urge to pass or reduce to a more manageable level. Here are some ideas for delaying self-harm, often time combining multiple of these strategies or using self-harm replacements, simulation alternatives and distractions at the same time can be more helpful. Different things are helpful for different people and at different times, so you might want to try these methods multiple different times, trying different things while you wait.
Sometimes remembering that just because you are choosing not to hurt yourself right now doesn't mean you can never do it again can help you get through the urge. This doesn't mean you have to self-harm later either. If you do still end up harming yourself you should still be proud of yourself for delaying for however long you did (even if it was only a few seconds), all progress is good progress.
HALTT/Check in with Yourself
Being hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or thirsty can all contribute to self-harm urges, HALTT is an acronym to help you remember to check in with yourself and care for these basic needs when you are distressed and during day-to-day life.
- Hungry: are you hungry? When was the last time you ate? Hunger can exacerbate other emotions or thoughts. It is genreally suggested to eat every 3-4 hours. Here are some easy, accsesible recipes.
- Angry: if you're feeling angry it might be helpful to step back and something to manage that feeling.
- Lonely: you can be lonely even if there are other people around. Here are some ideas for social things to do.
- Tired: being tired doesn't have to be physical, it can also be emotional or cognitive. Rest is also productive.
- Thirsty: similar to hunger, your body and mind need water to function. People typically need 8 glasses of water or other non-alcoholic fluids a day.
People have more needs then just the ones listed above, like engaing in hobbies, managing a disability, moving your body, sensory needs, bathing, spirtiuality, etc.
Safe Area
A safe area is a designated place for you to go to when you are experincing self-harm urges. A safe area can remind you of ways to help yourself manage self-harm urges and can be a good place to wait them out. Your safe area should be somewhere you feel comfortable and safe. It should have things to help you avoid harming yourself and it might also be a place without anything you would usaully harm yourself with, or it might have items that would help you reduce the harm from hurting yourself.
If you do not have a physical area to use as a safe area you could use a portable safe-kit or have a mental place you visulise instead.
Where
Think of where you feel safest, maybe it's your bedroom or an enclosed space like a closet. Some people prefer to be around other people while dealing with urges to hurt themselves, if this is true of yourself maybe you would prefer to go to a public place like a park or a communal area in your home, like a living room.
Visualised safe area
If you do not have an area you could easily use or if you're away from your safe area you could visualise a place you feel safe instead. This place doesn't have to be a real one, but it can be. Once you have decided on what place you would like to visulise...
- Move to a quit area and close your eyes, if you can and are comfrtorable doing so
- Imagine this place with all your senses;
- What can you see?
- What can you hear? Is it silent? Can you hear nature, music, or other people?
- What can you feel? Are you standing, sat, or laying down? What is the temprature like?
- What can you smell? If you're outside maybe you can smell dirt?
- Can you taste anything? Maybe a nice warm drink or your favourite food?
- Notice how your body feels and relax; maybe you need to slow your breathing or unclench your jaw
- Continue using your sense to imagine this place
- Repeat until you feel better or want to try something else
Visulising a safe area can get easier with practice so you might want to try visulising it even when you are not experincing urges to hurt yourself and are feeling ok.
If this doesn't work for you, a portable safe-kit might still be a good alternative to a safe area.
What
Your safe area should have items that help you feel safer, this could be comfot items, tools that help you manage urges, distractions, or something else entirely. It might be helpful to add and remove items as you learn what helps you most or if what is helpful changes.
Here are some ideas of things to keep in a safe space:
- A comforting blanket or plushie
- Pillows or a beanbag
- Things to use as a distraction; colouring pages, a book, puzzles, nail polish
- A list of reasons not to harm yourself
- Fidget/stim toys
- A strategies menu
- A journal
- Instant ice pack
- An encourging letter from yourself of freind
- A list of people you could talk to for support
- Reminders of happy memories
- First-aid supplies
- For more ideas check the safe-kit section
You might want to remove items you think you might use to harm yourself from your area, but some people might include clean self-harm tools along with first-aid supplies if their focus is on reducing the harm caused by hurting themself not stopping harming themself completly.
Inconvenience & Boundaries
A small barrier to hurting yourself can give you the time to calm down or think of other things to do instead while having boundries or rules around self-harm can help you be more in control. Having boundries around hurting yourself might be more helpful if you're wanting to reduce how often you hurt yourself, not stop altogether. Here are some ideas of ways to make harming yourself more inconvenient or boundries to have around self-harm:
Inconvenience:
- Plan to go swimming with someone soon
- ...or to wear an outfit that shows the area you want to harm
- Go somewhere public/with other people
- Keep busy; sign up for volunteer work, start an art project, tidy up your space
- Invite a friend over or call them
- Put your self-harm tools somewhere hard to get at
- Wrap them in plastic wrap
- Put them on a high shelf
- Give them to someone else
Boundaries:
- Only self-harming during a certain time (for example, from 8-9pm)
- Trying a certain number of alternatives before hurting yourself
- Talking to someone about how you're feeling before you hurt yourself
- Sending a pre-written message to someone saying you need help or to talk
- Not self-harming till previous injuries are fully healed
- Waiting a certain amount of time before hurting yourself
- Only hurting yourself if you have clean tools and first-aid supplies
Urge Surfing
Self-harm urges can sometime be a bit like a wave; they build in intensity until they peak and then they crash back down. Urge surfing is a strategy for managing these intense waves where instead of acting on the urge or trying to distract from it you notice it and sit through it until it passes. The more you practice surfing the wave of self-harm urges the easier it can be to get through them without harming yourself. Urge surfing might be something you want to practice while in safe place.
- Acknowledge and name the urge; think, say out loud, or write it down (e.g. "I am having the urge to self-harm")
- Notice your thoughts/feelings; don't try and fight or supress them
- Remind yourself the urge will end; think about times before when urges have passed without hurting yourself, try deep breaths if that helps you, visualise the "wave" crashing and fading
- When the peak of the wave urge passes, congratulate yourself
- It may be useful to try other strategies now if you're still having self-harm urges; like self-harm replacements, simulation alternatives, or distractions now
This worksheet might help you urge surf.
"5 Minute Rule"
The "5-minute rule" is when you delay self-harming by setting a timer for a short, doable, amount of time (for example, 5 minutes) in which you tell yourself you are not going to self-harm but instead wait out the urge. You could also use something like a song instead of a timer. While the timer is going you can try using another self-harm avoidance strategy, like distractions, replacements, simulation alternatives, urge surfing, or going to a safe place.
When the timer has run out hopefully the urge has passed too, if it has, congratulate yourself for waiting it out. If the urge is still there, you can set another timer and try again, or you can choose to harm yourself instead. If you do choose to harm yourself, you should still congratulate yourself for delaying for as long as you did.
Distractions
Distractions can be another way to get through self-harm urges or distress that sometimes need time to pass or become more manageable. Here are some ideas for distracting yourself, but anything you think can keep you busy and engaged for a while works.
Cognitive
- Do a puzzle
- Jigsaw
- Crossword
- Sudoku
- Wordle
- Tetris
- GeoGuessr
- List things; movies, celebrities, animals, songs, etc. For more of a challenge list one thing for each letter of the alphabet
- Read a book
- Meditation, you can find guided meditation videos online
- Study
- Learn something new; an instrument, language, recipe, etc.
- Watch a documentry
Creative
- Write something; you could try these writing prompts
- Start an art/creative project that you will work on whenever you need a distraction:
- A crochet/knit temprature blanket
- Colour by number
- A series of poems
- Reparing clothes
- Cook or bake; Here are tips for baking with brain fog and here are some easy, accsesible recipes.
- Read a book
- Journal or blog
- Draw something; you could try these drawing prompts
Mindless/Low Effort
- Look or go outside, even if your just looking through or opening a window
- Listen to music
- Use a fidget/stim toy
- Check out one of these interesting websites:
- Paint a drawing's nails!
- Scroll through all the different levels of the sea
- Neal.fun, a website with games and stuff
- The Make Everything OK Button
- Random Wikipedia articles
- This is Sand, play with sand!
- Draw an emoji garden
- The Nicest Place on the Internet, hundreds of videos of people hugging the camera/you
- The Useless Web, takes you to a useless website
- Bongo Cat
- Orb Farm
- Rainy Mood, rain sounds
- Watch a movie/tv show
- Bird watching
- Take a nap or rest
- Try changing your setting; turn on music, go to a different room, go outside, change your clothes
- Paint your nails
- Browse social media
- Cloud/star gazing
- List things; movies, celebrities, animals, songs, etc. For more of a challenge list one thing for each letter of the alphabet
Productive
- Clean your room or the space around you
- Respond to emails/messages
- Meal prep
- Study/do homework
- Fold laundry
- Brush your teeth
- Empty your bins
- Sign up for volunteer work
- Do gentle exercise; yoga, go for a walk
- Take a shower/bath
Social
- Spend time with a pet
- Call or text a friend
- Write to a pen pal
- Respond to messages
- Go out; to a cafe, library, shop, park, etc.
- Journal or blog
- Hang out with a friend
- Read about other people's experiences
- Sign up for volunteer work
Misc.
- Getting through the next few hours guide by Mind UK
- Meditation, you can find guided meditation videos online
- Read about other people's experiences
- Check out one of these interesting websites:
- Paint a drawing's nails!
- Scroll through all the different levels of the sea
- Neal.fun, a website with games and stuff
- The Make Everything OK Button
- Random Wikipedia articles
- This is Sand, play with sand!
- Draw an emoji garden
- The Nicest Place on the Internet, hundreds of videos of people hugging the camera/you
- The Useless Web, takes you to a useless website
- Bongo Cat
- Orb Farm
- Rainy Mood, rain sounds
- Do gentle exercise; yoga, go for a walk
- Engage with self-harm in a non-harmful way:
- Read literature about self-harm
- Make or engage with art about self-harm
- Try changing your setting; turn on music, go to a different room, go outside, change your clothes
Simulation Alternatives
Simulation alternatives are alternatives to hurting yourself that simulate or replicate the sensation, emotion, visual, or routine of self-harm that some find helpful, but in none or less harmful ways. Like with all self-harm alternatives, different things help different people, and different things can be helpful at different times as well. Because some of these can still cause harm to the body, some people still count them as self-harm and prefer to treat them as harm reduction method instead of an alternative. If you don't find these types of alternatives helpful, see the sections above and below on Distractions and Self-harm Replacements.
Sensation & Emotion
These alternatives recreate or mimic some of the physiological effects of self-harm, like pain and endorphin or adrenaline rushes.
- Put on Capsaicin cream/roll or tiger balm where you want to harm (causes a burning sensation)
- Watching horror movies with jump scares or action movies
- Hold ice or rub it where you want to harm
- Do something drastic, but not harmful; take a bath or shower fully clothed, cut your hair in a messy, choppy way, wear your clothes inside out, run instead of walking, guerrilla garden native plants
- Wax your legs or pluck your eyebrows
- Get a piercing or tattoo
- self-harm recovery pen
- Splash your face with cold water, take a cold shower
- Clench your fists or clap your hands hard
- Soak a washcloth in water and then freeze it for when you have self-harm urges
- Snap a rubber band on yourself
- Intense exercise
- Try progressive muscle relaxation
- Eat very spicy or sour food
- Press your hands into a wall as hard as possible
- Acupuncture rings or rollers
Visuals
These alternatives recreate or mimic some of the visual aspects of self-harm, like blood, injuries, or bandages.
- Use bandages/plasters where you want to harm
- Draw self-harm injuries or scars on yourself with makeup, body markers, etc.
- self-harm recovery pen
- Get a piercing or tattoo
- Use fake blood, red food colouring, or paint
- Cut/tear/burn/etc. something other than your body
- Colour in old scars or places you've hurt before
- "Cut" on Fatal to the Flesh
- Add red food colouring to water and freeze it to use where you want to harm
- Cover your hand in PVA/Elmer's glue then peel it off
- Drink ice cold water
- Draw self-harm on a photo or drawing of yourself
- Make art that looks like self-harm
Routine & Motions
These alternatives recreate or mimic some of the routine and motions of self-harm, such as blood, injuries, or bandages.
- Care for the area you want to harm as if you had; rinse it with water, bandage, change the bandages, etc.
- hit something soft
- self-harm recovery pen
- Wash where you want to harm with a bar of soap
- Drag a blunt item across where you want to cut
- Put together a first-aid kit or self-soothe box
- Draw injuries where you want to harm
- "cut" on Fatal to the Flesh
- Swallow round sweets (like skittles)
- Cut/tear/burn/etc. an item other than your body
- Everything but Rule"
- Do all the 'rituals' you usually would before self-harming; going to your room, unpacking first-aid supplies and sh tools, turning on music, etc.
- When you get to the point where you would normally harm yourself stop
- if you want, draw wounds where you would normally harm
- Do everything you would normally do after harming yourself; rinse the are you "harmed", put on bandages, rest, etc.
- You can change your 'ritual' over time, so you don’t have to go through as many steps to ease your self-harm urges
- This strategy may not work if you don't have a consistent self-harm ritual
- If you don't think you can avoid harming if your tools are around, skip the part about getting out your tools or skip this strategy
Replacements
Often times alternatives to self-harm, like distractions, delaying, and non-harmful simulation, are over generalised and do not take into account the unique functions self-harm can have for different people, this can make these alternative ineffective for some people, especially in the long term. Instead, alternatives that are focused on the reasons and functions of self-harm and aim to fill those same roles make better replacements. For example, if a person hurts themself to communicate and express distress holding ice probably wouldn't be helpful because that does nothing to help them express themself, but writing a poem about how they feel would express and communicate the person's distress in a similar way to how self-harm does and then would be more likely to help.
Below are some replacements for self-harm and resources related to different functions of self-harm. It might take time for you to find what replacements are helpful for you and it isn't uncommon for different thigs to help at different times, just because something didn't help the first time doesn't mean it will never help. It can be helpful to keep a list of replacements and other alternatives that did and didn't help you before when you were having self-harm urges for different reasons (for example, "when I am struggling with hearing voices listening to music to drown them out helps instead of self-harming, but talking to someone else didn't help"). If you aren't sure why you hurt yourself or what function it serves see the first section of this guide titled "Why You Self-harm".
If you don't see your reason(s) for self-harming in this list that does not mean it is any less real than the ones that are listed. This is not an exhaustive list and your reason for hurting yourself is still just as important and valid.
If you have suggestions for more self-harm replacements, resources, etc. to add, please send them to me via my Tumblr blog or comment them on my Neocities profile.
Communication & Connection
Self-harm can be used as a means of communication or a way of finding connection, especially in relatiopn to distress or mental health. Below are some more ideas of ways to communicate or find connection.
- Try an expression replacment
- Share art you make to express yourself with a friend or online
- Write down everything you are feeling and thinking to put away and to come back to later or to show to someone
- Help someone else or sign up for volunteer work
- Spend time with or call a loved one
- Ask a friend for some caring words about yourself and save them
- Read about other people's experiences with self-harm or distress:
- Write a post for a mental health blog, like @self-harm-harm-reduction @support-for-selfharmers, @what-we-wish-you-knew, or @support-for-the-suicidal.
- Vent or rant in a journal, your notes app, or online
- Write a letter, to yourself or someone else, to give to them or keep
- Go somewhere there is other people
- Draw art over where you have scars or want to/usually self-harm
- Put a bandage on where you want to hurt yourself
- Talk about your experience; to a friend, at a support group, online, in a journal, on a mental health forum
- Mark memories in a non-harmful way; make art about how you're feeling or thinking, start a diary, take photos, write about it, get a piercing or tattoo
- Remind yourself that having or not having scars or wounds doesn't make what you're experincing less real
Control
Some people self-harm in order to feel or show that they are in control, here are some ideas for replacments if this is one of the functions self-harm has for you.
- Change your appearance in a non-harmful way:
- Cut or dye your hair
- Draw on yourself with body markers, henna, make-up
- Paint your nails
- Try a different make-up or clothing style
- Get a piercing or tattoo
- Try doing an opposite action, for example instead of hurting yourself choose to do something self-caring:
- Take a bath or shower
- Do something you enjoy
- Have a warm drink
- Watch a show you enjoy
- Call a friend
- Do gentle exercise; yoga, go for a walk
- Change your surroundings: tidy up your space, go to a different room or outside, rearrange furniture, turn on music
- Do something mindfully; pay extra attention to your senses, what can you feel, hear, smell, taste, and see?
- Take care of a pet, plant, or help others (i.e. volunteer work)
- Do something drastic, but not harmful; take a bath or shower fully clothed, cut yor hair in a messy choppy way, wear your clothes inside out, run instead of walking, guerrilla garden native plants
- Focus on other things you can control, that aren't harmful
- Try a grounding technique, like one of these
- Tell yourself that you are choosing to not self-harm instead
Creating a Different Feeling
Some people use self-harm to create diffrent feelings or thoughts, here are some replacments that can do the same.
- Try an expression replacment or distraction
- Shock your body out of the current feelings/thoughts:
- Splash your face with cold water
- Eat something very spicy/sour
- Do exercise that raises your heart rate (running, star jumps, dancing, etc.)
- Drink cold water
- Try a breathing exercise, like these ones
- Smell something strong, like an essential oil
- Try doing an opposite action, for example instead of hurting yourself do something self-caring:
- Take a bath or shower
- Do something you enjoy
- Have a warm drink
- Watch a show you enjoy
- Call a friend
- Do gentle exercise; yoga, go for a walk
- Watch a horror movie with jump scares, an action movie, or comdey
- Try a grounding technique, like one of these
- Imagine a different ending to distressing mental images; putting away self-harm tools instead of hurting yourself, leaving a situation that scares you or standing up to something that you’re afraid of
- Call or text a friend
- Write down what you are feeling and thinking now to put away and come back to later or destroy
- Do something mindfully; pay extra attention to your senses, what can you feel, hear, smell, taste, and see?
- Try some gentle exercise to reconnect with your body and surroundings; yoga, go for a walk, dance
- Change your surroundings: tidy up your space, go to a different room or outside, rearrange furniture, turn on music
- Call a friend
- Listen to loud, fast paced music and dance or sing
- Do something drastic, but not harmful; take a bath or shower fully clothed, cut your hair in a messy, choppy way, wear your clothes inside out, run instead of walking, guerrilla garden native plants
- Let yourself rest
- Focus on one small win, no matter how insignificant it seems; getting out of bed, waking up, changing clothes, etc.
- Do something you can be pround of; take care of a pet, plant, make art, help others (i.e. volunteer work)
- Focus on getting through the next few minutes instead of your current feelings/thoughts
Distraction
Self-harm is often used as a distraction, if you would like to try a non-harmful distraction technique see the section above.
Expression & Release
Many people self-harm as a way to express or release emotions or thoughts, here are some replacment ideas that could serve the same purpose.
- Change your appearance in a non-harmful way:
- Cut or dye your hair
- Draw on yourself with body markers, henna, make-up
- Paint your nails
- Try a different make-up or clothing style
- Get a piercing or tattoo
- Let yourself cry; a sad movie might help with this
- Make art (drawings, clay, paintings, collage, writing, poetry, etc.) about how you're feeling or about self-harm
- Write down everything you are feeling and thinking to put away and to come back to later, to show to someone, or to destroy
- Squeeze a stress ball
- Draw art over where you have scars or want to/usually self-harm
- Put a bandage on where you want to hurt yourself
- Talk to a friend or family member
- Listen to music that aligns with how you feel, sing or dance along
- Journal, here are some prompts
- Write a post for a mental health blog, like @self-harm-harm-reduction @support-for-selfharmers, @what-we-wish-you-knew, or @support-for-the-suicidal on Tumblr.
- Vent or rant in a journal or your notes app
- Write a letter, to yourself or someone else
- Scream into a pillow
- Harm an object instead of yourself; crush drink cans, rip up paper, cut cardboard, hit a pillow
- Change your surroundings: tidy up your space, go to a different room or outside, rearrange furniture, turn on music
- If you experince voices, try talking to them instead of ignoring them or try ignoring them instead of talking to them
- Scribble on paper and then make it into art
- Try a grounding technique; such as progressive muscle relaxation, or one of these
- Do something drastic, but not harmful; take a bath or shower fully clothed, cut your hair in a messy, choppy way, wear your clothes inside out, run instead of walking, guerrilla garden native plants
- Talk about your experience; to a friend, to a support group, online, on a mental health forum
Self-care & Self-comforting
Sometimes self-harm can be an act of self-care/comforting and doing something self-carring/comforting that is non-harmful instead can be a good replacment for self-harming.
- Shock your body out of the feeling/thought:
- Splash your face with cold water
- Eat something very spicy/sour
- Do exercise that raises your heart rate (running, star jumps, dancing, etc.)
- Drink cold water
- Try a breathing exercise, like these ones
- Smell something strong, like an essential oil
- Take a nap
- Cuddle with a pet or plushie
- Put a bandage on where you want to hurt yourself
- Care for a plant or pet
- Treat yourself to something you enjoy; your favourite food, a bubble bath, a comfort show, spend time on a hobby, etc.
- Spend time with or call a loved one
- Let yourself cry; a sad movie might help with this
- Do scar care; massage them, put on scar sheets, etc.
- Wrap yourself up in a blanket
- Try a grounding technique, like one of these
- Focus on one small win, no matter how insignificant it seems; getting out of bed, waking up, changing clothes, etc.
- Have a warm drink
- If you have a list of reasons to not harm yourself, remind yourself of them
- go for a walk in nature
- Ask a friend for some caring words about yourself and save them
- Put together a first-aid kit or self-soothe box
- Help someone else or sign up for volunteer work
- Do gentle exercise; yoga, go for a walk
- Give yourself a hug
- Put a bandage on where you want to hurt yourself
- Tell yourself you are choosing to not self-harm to take care of yourself
- Do something mindfully; pay extra attention to your senses, what can you feel, hear, smell, taste, and see?
- Lay down and rest somewhere away from things you usually or are thinking about harming yourself with
Self-punishment & Self-cleansing
Some people who self-harm do so in order to "punish" or "cleanse" themself, if you feel this way one of these replacments may help.
- Try stepping out of the situation, thinking about a practical solution, or focusing on achievements instead of mistakes. Ask yourself, "does self-punisment/cleansing actually help in this situation?"
- Try doing an opposite action, for example instead of hurting yourself do something self-caring:
- Forgive yourself
- Take a bath or shower
- Do something you enjoy
- Have a warm drink
- Watch a show you enjoy
- Call a friend
- Do gentle exercise; yoga, go for a walk
- Harm an object instead of yourself; crush drink cans, rip up paper, cut cardboard
- Write down everything you are feeling and thinking to put away and come back to later or destroy it
- Let it all out by crying, yelling, or similar
- Try a grounding technique; such as progressive muscle relaxation, or one of these
- Do something non-harmful that you don't enjoy; chores, listen to music you dislike, a cold shower
- Go outside or let in some fresh air
- Do something drastic, but not harmful; take a bath or shower fully clothed, cut your hair in a messy, choppy way, wear your clothes inside out, run instead of walking, guerrilla garden native plants
- Try expressing yourself instead
- Exercise; go for a walk, run, dance
- Change your surroundings: tidy up your space, go to a different room, rearrange furniture, turn on music
- Tell yourself you are choosing to not self-harm as punishment instead
Sensory Needs
Some people harm themselves in response to sensory overwhelm or underwhelm, but there are other techniques you can try to manage these experinces and feelings that don't envolve harming yourself.
- Use headphones, ear defenders, ear plugs, sunglasses, etc. to reduce sensory input
- Splash your face with cold water
- Touch something with a texture you like
- Eat something very spicy/sour or with a strong flavour
- Watch a water timer
- Try a grounding technique, like one of these
- Listen to music, a soundscape, white noise, etc.
- Use a weighted blanket or plushie
- Do something mindfully; pay extra attention to your senses, what can you feel, hear, smell, taste, and see?
- Smell something strong, like an essential oil
- Do gentle exercise; yoga, go for a walk
- Use a stim/fidget toy
- Squish something soft
- Try a breathing exercise, like these ones
- Push your hand against a wall as hard as you can
- Use chewlery or gum or chew ice
Pressure to Stay Self-harm Free
There can be a lot of pressure to stay self-harm free, this can come from yourself, the people around you, or society as a whole. Sometimes this pressure can be helpful and motivate someone to not hurt themself, but other times it can make someone more stressed, insecure, or isolated about their self-harm and feel worse if they do harm themself. These feelings can also make someone more likely to use self-harm as a way of managing them. Someone might feel like they are a failure after they harm themself if they are under a lot of pressure not to self-harm, this could lead them to possibly hurt themself even more then they would of if it weren't for the pressure.
Tracking Self-harm
It is common advice to track you're "clean" streak if you self-harm. For some people this can be motivating and gives them something to be proud of, but it can also be a source of pressure for others. Tracking days self-harm free also does not acknowledge other progress you might make around self-harm, like taking better care of you're injuries, harming yourself less severly, trying alternatives to self-harm first, and more which are also important to acknowledge.
It is up to you whether you choose to track you're self-harm free streak or not, but remeber it does not define you or you're progress. If you do restart you're timer do not forget the progress that you made and what you did learn from being self-harm free for whatever amount of time you were is still important and worth celebrating. It is not the end of the world if you do harm yourself and you deserve care and compassion regardless.
Other People's Reactions
When another persons learns that you are hurting yourself, their first reaction might be to ask you to or try and force you to stop harming yourself. This is usally because they care about you and don't want anything bad to happen to you, but that doesn't change the fact that this can, for many people, be more harmful then helpful. Helping the people around you understand self-harm and how to help you better can avoid sitations like this.
It can be helpful to tell someone you self-harm before they discover it on accident so that you can better control the conversation and better explain it to the person. This resource from SIFT can help you plan how to tell someone you self-harm. It might make the other person and yourself feel better if you also explain to them some ways you are already helping and taking care of yourself as well as ways that they can help you. For example, you could tell them that spending time with them is helpful. You can could also share information and resources intended for loved ones of people who self-harm with them so that you don't have to explain everything. Here are some resources that might be useful for this, they also explain why asking of forcing someone to not hurt themself isn't helpful.
- Self-Harm Advice to Parents and Carers, from Parents and Carers
- A Toolkit for Parents & Carers
- Try To...Try Not To..., also available in BSL
- Starting the Conversation, also available in BSL
- Self-Harm FAQ's for Loved Ones, also available in BSL
- Advice for friends, family & carers (leaflet)
- Common Misconceptions (leaflet)
Treating Yourself with Compassion After Harming
It is important to remeber to treat yourself with care and compassion after self-harming. You might feel like you have failed or be upset with yourself after harming, this is very common and self-harming does not mean you do not deserve care. It might be helpful to come up with a plan of ways you could care for yourself after self-harming in order to make yourself feel better.
Here are some ideas of kind things to do for yourself after harming:
- Put on bandages or seek medical attention if needed
- Talk to a loved one
- Have a nice snack or a warm drink
- Journal about how you felt or why you self-harmed
- Watch a comfort show
- Partake in a hobby you enjoy
- Take a warm shower
- Take a nap
- Try and not beat yourself up about it; remeber self-harming doesn't make you a bad person or failure
Resources
Here are some resources that may also help you avoid hurting yourself. You can find more genreal resources about self-harm here.
General
- Getting through the next few hours guide by Mind UK
- Calm Harm, an app that recommends activities to help you "ride the wave" of self-harm urges. Activity categories are "comfort", "distract", "express yourself", "release", and "random"
- Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) Tools, some people find DBT tools helpful for managing distress instead of self-harming
- 3 powerful deep breathing exercises
- 30 Grounding Techniques to Quiet Distressing Thoughts
- Mindfulness exercises and tips, from Mind UK
Self-care
- Nurturing vs. Depleting Activities worksheet, to help you find self-caring alternatives
- How to practise self-care
- Finch, a self-care app
Intrusive Thoughts
- Self-Harm and Intrusive Thoughts: Changing Your Perspective
- Coping with Intrusive Thoughts About Self-Harm
- An Introduction to Mindfulness & Meditation
- Managing intrusive thoughts, specifically the what can I do right now section
- Managing intrusive thoughts and uncertainty
- Other people's experiences; How I cope with intrusive thoughts and rumination, How I deal with intrusive thoughts
Voice Hearing, Visions, & Other Unusual Experience
- Hearing Voices Network resources, check if your country has a HVN branch
- Coping with Hearing Voices
- Self-care for Hypomania and Mania
- Self-care and Support for Paranoia
- Self-care if You Experience Psychosis, specifically the Helping yourself during a psychotic experience section
- Coping with dissociation
Connection/Communication
- Share your own or read about other's experiences at @self-harm-harm-reduction @support-for-selfharmers, @what-we-wish-you-knew, or @support-for-the-suicidal on Tumblr
- How Do I Tell Someone About My Self-Harm?
- Mental Health Forum, 18+
- 7 Cups of Tea, another mental health forum. 13+
- Self-Harm Advice to Parents and Carers, from Parents and Carers
- A Toolkit for Parents & Carers
- Try To...Try Not To..., also available in BSL
- Starting the Conversation, also available in BSL
- Self-Harm FAQ's for Loved Ones, also available in BSL
- Advice for friends, family & carers (leaflet)
- Common Misconceptions (leaflet)